Game Changer

Dear Royal,

Just when you thought you had the game figured out, life throws in a draw four. There you are holding in your hand more than you anticipated.

You thought you knew where things were going. You thought you knew exactly who you were and what you were made to do.

This is your Alessia Cara season …. “know it all” to “growing pains”. IYKYK.

Your mind deceived you to believe that figuring out purpose is a one-time thing. Or because you are teaching others how to achieve what you have, you would never return to being a student. #Lies

Those feelings of “being an impostor” and the mind games of:

“Did I ever really have it figured out”

“Was it just a moment”

“Have I been deceiving myself this entire time”

All of those thoughts are lies, the expectation to be the expert is a lie. The feeling of having “arrived” is a lie. The thought that says you’re supposed to have it figured out …it’s a lie too. The pressure to save face because, what would people think about you not knowing because you’re considered “a leader”, is probably the biggest lie. The leader is consistently and forever a student.

To overcome the lies, you need to work the hand. Don’t respond with a woe is me attitude… spread em and play it out. Don’t hide the extra cards, don’t fold, don’t panic…. play it out. You’ve made it to the finish line before and you can do it again. You made it being real, being transparent, being true to you, and being teachable. Adjust your mindset and go for the win!

You aren’t required to know everything, do everything right or understand it all. You’re not God….. chill. Purpose isn’t a destination it’s a lifetime pursuit. The unknown is not a bad thing, it’s the road to new beginnings and larger territory. Embrace the changes give yourself room to grow. As one of my mentors always says, “you are forever growing and becoming”.

So…… continuously grow and continuously become.

Philippians 1:6

Sincerely,

Your purpose

Purpose

Dear Royal,

God wants you to live out your purpose!

I mean, it is what he created you for.

Let’s examine the full picture. Would you create something and make it a mystery what it’s suppose to do?

I think we miss purpose due to our own perspective of life and our damaged heart trying to function in comparison to God’s heart.

So much has been withheld from us dealing with people that we think God is going to treat us the same way. Release that mentality!

You don’t have to jump through hoops for him to move, he already gave us simple instruction.

Matthew 6:33 “Seek First the kingdom of God and his righteousness and everything else will be add to you”.

Seek him, spend time with him accepting him into your heart, read his word, pray, worship him, obey what he says (which is given in his word) and everything else will come.

Also loving yourself is important. You can’t really do Gods work w/o a healthy vision of yourself. Negative self image will cause you to downplay your gifts and abilities or you won’t execute them with confidence.

I believe most of us overthink purpose. We expect some extravagant reveal like a business grand opening when in reality your purpose is probably something you have been doing most of your life.

I know my purpose is working with youth and women. I literally have been doing that most of my life. From younger cousins to neighborhood kids to friends I have always been surrounded by kids and women pouring something into them. Purpose has been with me my entire life I just didn’t realize it because of the sources I chose to listen to instead of seeking God.

What are you naturally good at?

What brings you joy?

What is God connected to that you do effortlessly?

You maybe overlooking your purpose….

The Source

Dear Royal,

What is your source? When you make a move, tough decision or accomplish something are you doing it for yourself, your family, your social media, your friends or your creator?

What is your source?

Is your motive to please yourself, your family, your social media, your friends or God?

What is your source? Is what you are doing serving yourself, your family, your social media, your friends or God?

Some of us are pouring from an empty cup and drained because of our source. If everything you do is to fill a void of people liking you, popularity or peer pressure it will never be enough. Eventually you will be exhausted trying to maintain everything and uphold an image all because your source is not a good, lasting foundation.

If God is your source he will always refill, replenish and your works will have purpose. God like motives are to change the world for the better, not to push a personal agenda. If he is your source he will guide you by conviction, peace and sending spiritually mature people in your life to throw red flags to keep you on course.

If you aren’t getting results, place God at the center and allow his word, his voice and his character to guide you and things will change. Yes you will have challenges and nothing is going to come easy, but your challenge is solved through applying obedience and trusting a sovereign God.

Struggling, stressed, feeling defeated and want to see change, upgrade the source to God.

For knowledge about any creation, ask the creator. God created you and he has the answer.

Your purpose is manifested through the source.

Be You• Be True • Be Royal

Be mindful of the source

Don’t Be Sorry

Dear Royal,

Don’t be sorry…………..

People pleasing is a bad habit no one talks about. It’s painful and mentally damaging. Hopefully this rant helps some of you identify and overcome the habit of people pleasing.

The last few months I have come to some very harsh realities. I want to share this experience to help others not fall into this pit of people pleasing.

The past few years I have been moving about life in the wrong way. I don’t want anyone to be offended or feel attacked, this is just a self evaluation I have been wanting to post for several months. I have been doing things “for the sake of serving God” or “being a good friend or supporting my family”.

I’ll give u an example. Lord knows sitting through a orchestra performance is something I have the least interest in doing. Honestly would rather wash the thanksgiving dishes 🤷🏽‍♀️. However, if someone I love is playing I will sacrifice my plans go to that performance, be attentive, buy the items at vendor tables all in the name of “showing support”. There is nothing wrong with this as a one time thing or when you have space to do it. The problem is when you don’t have the capacity and someone is still expecting you to show up with the same energy.

I realized I was over extending myself in multiple areas just trying to be supportive of everyone & everything.

Eventually my identity got lost in all these things others needed from me & I was not enjoying life or doing things for myself.

I had been over extending myself for years not realizing my identity was being reshaped and I was being stretched so far I became useless and without form. It is ok to be stretched but this was beyond stretching & eventually the expectations became unrealistic and not mutual. I always receive a ton of advice but anytime I needed physical help/presence I was pretty much on my own or a few would respond. I never took it personal and allowed people to help at whatever capacity they could. Lord forbid if I need the same grace because my capacity adjusted, things somehow led to me apologizing for not being able to be over extended with little consideration for why I’m not able………. 🤔 #PlotTwist

I went through a loss and became frustrated with life. During this time I noticed 90% of the things I did socially I did not enjoy or were for other people.

I was emotional, stressed, fighting a new stage of depression. Sitting in atmospheres where I had to be over extended stressed me out even more. I didn’t have the strength to give off the energy I typically would or to sacrifice my own comfort trying to be supportive or a good host.

I eventually started to adjust and of course my “no” became questionable (which stressed/annoyed me even more). What I was interpreting was, “Why are you concerned about yourself when I need you”. I started to be more concerned with disappointing people rather than what I needed. People pleasing at its peak!

The truth that I wanted to say:

-“I’m not going bcuz I don’t want to”

-“No don’t come by because I’m not in a social mood”

– “I don’t enjoy being around him/her and I usually sacrifice because they are your friends but I can’t today”

-“I just don’t enjoy doing that”

all can be offensive, especially coming from someone who just enjoys everything to please everybody, right?

The truth needed to be said because I needed the expectation of me to end. You need to know I don’t enjoy your choir so I’m not coming to your musical, or I’m not coming to your church with you because it’s an environment that is based more on how I look rather than my heart for God and I don’t need that in my space. Yes, I have free time and no I’m not using it to help you with an event I want to binge watch a Netflix show and take a 30min bath. Of course I have $50, but I’m not loaning it to you because you’re in the hair shop every week and eat out every night, make better choices. Lastly I don’t want to hang out because I don’t want to listen to your issues in which you’re not doing anything to change, I just enjoy sitting alone in my peace.

I’m not blaming anyone but myself for allowing this to go on for so long and I’m surely not sorry for how I feel.

Take this lesson and be okay with what you want to do with your time and resources and don’t be sorry for it. It’s cool to be there for people but don’t allow it to become a job that you never applied to. Stick to your no.

Sincerely,

Your Purpose

My Anxieties, Have Anxiety!

Dear Royal,

A few weeks ago we had a message at church about anxiety. I’m in the far back because I operate the slides on the screen and I always pay attention to how people react. So many people were into the message taking notes and responding with non verbal cues, I thought wow, majority of us deal with anxiety.

I knew the message would help me get to the next step of dealing with the mind games of anxiety, but I didn’t realize how many others have been battling the same issues. So because of that here lies this post.

I worry a lot and even when trying to pray I stop in the middle of my prayer and wonder if God hears me, what am I forgetting, what if I mistake Gods voice and do the wrong thing, and so on and so on. My anxieties, have anxieties!

We all know every issue has a root, and my root was not worry/anxiety, it was faith!

I had to take a step back and ask myself why am I worried?

I came to the conclusion that I feared the future and being a failure because I have failed in the past, I didn’t trust myself to make the right decisions and ……… I didn’t trust God.

“No faith, not even a mustard seed”

What?!? A “believer” “Christian” “prayer warrior” not trusting God.

Yes! I didn’t believe God cared enough to tell me the right thing or to concern hisself with me and due to my many mistakes, I didn’t trust myself enough to hear from him. I didn’t believe he would do anything on my behalf because of things I wanted done that didn’t happen before.

Where did all his come from? My roots have roots! This was rooted from things in my past that I though should happen a certain way but didn’t so I never forgave God for how things played out and never forgave myself.

I soon realized I was disappointed in the outcomes because I didn’t reflected on what God was doing, only on what I wanted.

So I began to read on faith, read on things God says about me, and prayed to heal from those situations (a different post will go through this process). Through it I found:

-God does love me and wants me to prosper

(Jeremiah 29:11, Zephaniah 3:17)

– His grace covers my mistakes. He knows I didn’t know better and did the best with what I did know.

(2 Corinthians 12:8-9, Ephesians 4:7, 2:8-9)

-Everything that happen was apart of a bigger picture beyond me wanting my way

(Romans 8:28, Proverbs 16:4, Luke 9:23)

So after this process I trust him again, I’m hearing from him clearly, I’m using his word not my words. Then I started to dive head first into those things I feared. I let go and took a step of faith and it released me from the mind games of anxiety. Gods plan (👀 no Drake) is his plan and you having fear will not alter it but it will prolong the process. Any path you take will lead to his plan choose the one that skips pass the worry, fear and doubt. Accept the trials and keep moving forward.

Anxiety still tries to ease its way in but I’ve overcome it once and will continue to fight! Intentionally think on GOOD things (Philippians 4:8).

Dig back to when things started, what things do you hear through anxiety and think about where they came from. Don’t be discouraged find the root and be honest with yourself because God already knows.

Your purpose is to be free from anxiety and walk in confidence down your path. Face anxiety head on!

Sincerely,

Your Purpose

Be You • Be True • Be Royal

Be You


Dear Royal,

If you are not firm in who you are and confident in what you are called to do the world will eat you alive!
The road to birthing your purpose is just as complicated as finding it. In the process there maybe times you don’t feel you have all the skills needed, that’s ok gather a team. Well things start off good but the team members are not as dedicated to the mission or do not have the availability to put in the ground work because of full time jobs. So here you are again working just as hard as when you started. Do not give up, in the right timing things will unfold, allow yourself to be stretched, overworked, minimum rest and sacrifice all you have. Trust that things will pay off!

When stepping into your purpose you begin to network and find others with your same passion. Now here is where it gets tricky, for some reason we have this natural response to compete and measure one another’s success. You may run into someone with the same vision and form a great partnership (which happened with my event planning business) other times you may just become supporters of one another and share resources. I have been fortunate enough to receive both!

 Unfortunately in some cases others may want to label you “the enemy” and do things to sabotage your journey. I’ve witnessed cases where people would withhold information, align events the same date and time, or even try to tie up your resources and speak negative of you prematurely. For those that go through situations like this remember that what is for you will always be for you! Nothing can stop the plan for your life but your own decisions. This response is a reaction of F.E.A.R.

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real
They believe that if you flourish that it will interfere with what they have worked hard to accomplish. This is false!

KFC, Popeyes, Wing Stop, Buffalo Wild Wings and JJ’s all serve the same purpose, supply tasty chicken. They all have national and even some international success while coexisting. Where I live KFC has three locations within 10miles of me, and they all have consistent customers!

There will always be an appetite to fill in every market.
Do not get discouraged because you do not have all the skills, your team maybe incomplete, competition has weighed you down, or fear is knocking at your door keep moving towards your dream! 

Make small steps today and plant a seed to grow the vision for tomorrow.
Know your purpose and use it to build the future! 
Sincerely,
Your Purpose
               Be You • Be True • Be Royal 

Power of the Seed

Dear Royal,

Your Results are determined by what you do with your seed.

 -Gregory Dickhow 

 In life we look at our future and we picture certain things we want to be accomplished, and dream about obtaining these goals. Focus on the seed and do the necessary things for the seed to grow and it will develop from a dream to reality. Spend your time doing the work, making responsible choices and you will see great results. 

In life you either succeed or you learn a lesson, there is no failure until you give up. Even giving up can teach you something because one day you will start again and you’ll learn that purpose awaits patiently and the sooner you start to work towards your goal the better.

If you have no idea how to get started, align yourself with people that you can learn something from. Serve others who are near or where you want to be and obtain knowledge of the little things. Don’t be too proud to serve; you will be amazed at the things you will gain. Be as patient with the learning process as your purpose is being with you. Don’t be afraid the seed needs to be planted!

 
Sincerely,
Your Purpose
                  Be You• Be True • Be Royal 

#HappyEarthDay 

New You

Dear Royal,

I’m sure in January you made an agreement with yourself to make changes in your life. Some you may have had success and others not so much. Who knows you could have successfully changed everything on your list and 90+ days later you’re still making good strides. Whatever the situation is I want to encourage you and let you know you are on the right track.

How can I be on the right track if I didn’t stick to my commitment you say? Everything you do is apart of the process and it will either add to your column of success or add to the process to reach success. At any given moment your whole life can change. Until that moment embrace where you are and learn what is needed at your current stage. Allow life to happen and make changes daily!

Don’t lose focus waiting on the calendar year to make changes, each day you are learning and taking strides toward a better you. If that moment is now and you feel something on the inside that is trying to break out into a new you, allow it to happen today!

A few weeks ago I started a smoothie cleanse on a Wednesday. People would ask “why not wait until Monday or the start of the week”, because I had the mindset and willpower to do it Wednesday so I started. When the moment comes, rather it is the middle of your week, middle of your day or the middle of your sentence make the change.
If you have fallen off from a goal you set, don’t wait for the calendar to roll back around to get back focused. Get in the habit to make changes when you realize a change is needed. Get started on your diet today, get rid of those bad habits now, remove yourself from environments and relationships that are not needed and get focused on your path to success!

Live all year focusing on a new you.

Sincerely,

Your Purpose

Be You• Be True • Be Royal

Embrace The Pain

Dear Royal,
 Don’t look for those that are in your life to make you feel sufficient or whole. Often we rely on friends, classmates or even family to have our back or come to our aide in rough times but when they don’t meet the expectation, where does that leave us? I’ve learned to expect another human to be a human, imperfect, flawed, able to do only the ability of a human and not fulfill the role of what only God can do. If we place an individual in a position were we believe they can never hurt us or should never hurt us that is our first mistake.

There may be times in life where you will feel what God requires you to do is causing pain and you may even question his love for you. If God who created the heavens and the earth, all knowing, all seeing, all powerful says that you will experience pain in the process of building with him, why do we believe natural relationships should be without pain?

However, there are some situations where the other party is careless and we need to walk away, but I am speaking about those personality flaws and unintentional things that we are too prideful to face. Sometimes a simple conversation to gain understanding can resolve it all. A way of helping to move past that pride is to look at the times where you may have hurt someone but it was not intentional. The same way you would expect to be treated in your flaws respond that way to others when it comes to their flaws.

There maybe people who do not want to hear you out or already have their mind made up about who you are or who you use to be. Don’t let that distract you or steer you away from what God is telling you to do, do not become your oppressor. Forgive quickly and let go of things others have done to hurt you. Have a open heart and a pure perception of others intentions when mistakes happen. You are not doing this because of the relationship, the friendship or anything to do with who they are to you, you are doing it because of who God is to you! God has called us to forgive in order to be forgiven, and it is important that you are obedient. He does not expect you to do everything right, he expects you to be humble admit your wrong and respond with love, compassion and hold no grudge. Being obedient to God can bring an abundance of peace, levels of success people will not understand and favor in so many situations. Ever wonder why some people are very successful and everything they do seems to prosper? Psalms 1:3 says “He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers”. 

 When you are as firm on Gods word as the tree planted by the streams, you will continue to prosper. He will grant favor in everything you do. Your purpose is to prosper!

Life is about reaping the promises of God and in order to do that we must be obedient to his word. 
Sincerely,

Your Purpose

                  Be You •Be True •Be Royal

                                 Be Prosperous

Freedom

Dear Royal,

This is the part that requires work. If you still have not overcome the negative things others have spoken to you these two steps are important.

First you will need to forgive , second apply positive statements to replace negative ones.

Let go and proclaim your freedom from the hurt of others. Before I finished writing this section I had to go through the process of forgiving people who never apologized or are not following with actions on their apology. Unforgiveness leads you down a road where you become defensive, lack trust and take your anger out on others it can even cause high stress and anxiety. You carry this hidden anger towards someone but it will never affect them. You have to decide that you won’t allow someone else’s mistake to hinder you from being great and loving others. When you don’t forgive, you in part support the words they have spoken to you or the way they treated you. It keeps you down because part of you has accepted the negative statements and you blame them for placing it on you. You can choose to not allow it to hinder you. Don’t believe the lie that you are anything other that Gods greatest. However if the anger is from truth that just hurts to hear you have to be mature enough to own your mistakes, know that you were told that truth because they don’t want to see you in a bad place and take the necessary steps to fix the issue.

Use positive affirmations to replace the negativity. Words have power, so use that power to uplift and repair your brokenness. Here are some affirmations I found for self esteem:

  • I am becoming better each day
  • I am happy to be here
  • I am an intelligent being but I don’t know everything
  • I Love myself unconditionally
  • I learn through my mistakes
  • I am thankful for opportunities to grow
  • I love and respect my family for who they are
  • I choose freedom
  • I accept and love the way I look because I was made unique
  • I am not lost, I am still in the process of being created

My mentor gave me the greatest advice anyone could ever speak “forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation”. Some relationships will never be what you expect but you can choose not to have anger or hate towards that individual.You don’t need to hate them or point out their wrong in order for you to be happy with yourself. Find closure by forgiving and believe the positive things. Speak them to yourself daily. Move forward and chose to let go no matter what it feels like, your purpose may benefit from your decision to forgive. Be Free!

Sincerely,

Your Purpose

Be You •Be True •Be Royal